Fellowship of the Ring
by honeyglow
Summary: This is the story about the one time Felix really pissed off Sergeant Calhoun, and as a result convinced her to marry him.
1. Chapter 1

**Fellowship of the Ring**

By HoneyGlow

**CHAPTER 1**

Felix was never ever late. Ever.

This is not typically considered to be a fault by many, but Felix was internally cursing himself (politely, of course) for today of all days he was most certainly going to be late. It wouldn't normally be a problem, but the longer his delay, the more suspicious his always on edge girlfriend Sergeant Calhoun would become. The point of his hopefully perfectly executed plan would be that she never even for a moment blinks to consider that something might be up.

This was a pointless worry however, because Sergeant Calhoun is always on edge, and always thinking that something is up, even if nothing is wrong whatsoever. After all, it was just part of her programming. Her concern was inevitable, and as much as Felix loved every little bit of her, flaws and all, today he was hoping that she would be a little less anal and perhaps not notice that her boyfriend was missing in action.

This is the story about the one time Felix really pissed off Sergeant Calhoun, and as a result convinced her to marry him.

It had all started off innocently enough! Felix had told everyone he planned to propose to his sweetheart, and naturally, everyone wanted to be there. The plans hadn't been set in stone, so of course his dear pals Ralph & Vanellope decided to take over. They weren't exactly know-it-alls about true love and proposals, but they had occasionally seen cute couples on dates through the screens into the arcade. They figured that was really all they needed to know.

"And then you gotta squeeze her butt when she's not looking!" Vanellope giggled as she balanced on the couch ledge in Felix's apartment.

"Vanellope!" Ralph smacked her upside the head, sending her on a fit of immature giggles as she was flung across the room, gracefully bounding off the wall with a glitchy spring in her step. Felix's face turned a deeper shade of red than a Pac-man cherry as he sunk further and further into the couch folds.

"No no no, that's not me at all!" Felix's face rested in his open glove-covered palms, suddenly regretting even thinking it'd be a good idea to talk to Ralph & Vanellope about this. Yeah they're his best friends, but they certainly never tried to court a tough warrior of a woman into marriage!

Ralph seemed deep in thought for a moment as he absentmindedly scratched at the surface of the couch arm, "What you need …"

Felix poked one eye out of his fingers, hoping for a good idea.

"What you need is a party – something that'll distract Calhoun into thinking it's just another fun night with friends. Then when the moment is right, you spring the ring on her and everyone can really celebrate!" He pumped his fist in the air, "And it'll be an excellent excuse for cake!"

Felix's face brightened as he lifted his face from his hands, "Hey now –that's not half a bad idea!"

Vanellope popped up in between the two out of nowhere, causing a momentary startle, "Oooh a party, you say? We should have it at the CASTLE!" Her arms raised in victory!

Felix hesitated, "Why don't we have it here?"

Vanellope's expression immediately turned into a scowl, "This place is Squaresville, Felix! No offense." She patted his shoulder sweetly.

"Beg pardon, but I'm not sure how that isn't offensive, Miss President," He pouted momentarily and crossed his arms.

Vanellope crossed her arms in a pouting offense, "Listen, when word gets out to Calhoun's men in armor that you're planning a Proposal Party, they're gonna want to come too! And Ralph and Calhoun barely fit in this dinky apartment – no offense," she nodded, "But Calhoun's men will destroy this place just trying to walk in! And there's a butt load of them!" She giggled to herself at the word 'butt'.

Felix still looked a little cross, he glanced up to Ralph, "We really need to teach Miss Vanellope the definition of the word 'offensive'," he sighed as Ralph shrugged, "But she does have a point …" Vanellope gave a high pitched squee, causing the two men to flinch uncomfortably. She gave a royal fist pump to the air, "Yessss I'm getting a party!"

Vanellope bounced off the walls around the room like she was under some sugar canon ball, Ralph & Felix smiled cautiously at their little bundle of Presidential chaos. She mumbled to herself all the things she would need to do, all the people she'd have to hire as slaves to prepare the decorations, the food and the all important guest list.

"Well," Ralph turned to Felix who looked up thoughtfully, "At least we can say it's just our crazy little Vanellope that wants to throw a big bash, Calhoun won't be too suspicious." One of his big hands patted Felix on the back, Felix's smile was genuine but clearly full of concern and nervousness.

"Y-yeah, I guess it's gonna work out," he gulped before looking down again.

Ralph frowned for a moment, "You ready for this, brother?"

Felix perked up at the mention of brotherhood and looked up with a chuckle, "Yes, yes! I love my gal! I've just got the butterflies buzzin' round, is all!"

A warm smile was Ralph's response, and he chuckled, "I bet she'll love seeing you hold out that ring!"

Ring.

_Ring._

_Damnit._

Felix's face went pale, "Ring?"

He received a stunned blink in response from Ralph, and Vanellope paused midair in between the two before promptly plopping onto the couch.

"PLEASE don't tell me you forgot to think about the ring, Felix!" Vanellope's little arms were thrown into the air, oy vey!

Felix hesitated, "Well then I .. won't tell you.. that," his guilt ridden face answered all.

Vanellope put her hand to her face in careful thought, "Ok listen up twinkle toes, as soon as word gets out that you're proposin' to Sergeant, your window of her not finding out is gonna close tighter than a Nicelander avoiding Ralph …"

"Hey!" Ralph protested.

But Vanellope continued, "So here's what we gotta do – you find a ring, AY-SAP."

"W-what?" Felix blinked as she started to pace in thought.

"A-S-A-P. As Stupidly-fast As Possible. And we'll have the party tonight; you'll put a ring on it before the arcade opens!" She clapped her hands together, "Got it, Bob the Builder?"

Felix gave her a disapproving glance with his hands on his waist, "Vanellope, that's not polite to call a lady by 'it'."

"You get what I mean, lover boy! This is your night, and we've gotta make it happen. The only thing we need to figure out – is where to find a ring," she sat back down, briefly stumped by her own idea.

The trio sat there, Felix eyed the clock and thought about the day ahead of him. How on Earth would he manage to go to work, and find a ring after work before Calhoun could notice he's gone? Impossible. And yet – he knew it had to be done at some point, and as difficult as it would be to distract his sweetheart, he knew the end result would be worth it (assuming she would say yes)!

Ralph snapped his fingers, "I've got it – Sonic!"

"The hedgehog?" Felix sat up with interest, "Yanno – his golden rings are beautiful, aren't they?" He put his hands to his lips and a giddy glow took over him, "Why – with some careful resizing, a golden ring would look gorgeous on Tammy's finger!"

Vanellope snickered, "Earth to Felix," she waved her hand in front of his love struck face, "How are you gonna get a ring before the party?"

The three of them were silent again, Felix looked up softly, "I'm gonna need everyone's help, but I think we can trick the Sergeant."


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

It's been proven by SCIENCE that when you're expecting something at the end of the work day, the forces of time will make sure the day goes by at an exceedingly slower pace.

It was definitely a slow day at the arcade, but it felt way more apparent because all Felix could think about was his need to sneak past his girlfriend as soon as the arcade closed. It pained Felix to not be able to put the gamers on pause so he could make a run for it. When you have a sergeant for a girlfriend, getting things past her is no simple task.

The plan seemed simple enough, and it ran through his head all day! Thanks to Vanellope, word traveled quickly that this evening would host an extravagant Presidential Party in the Sugar Rush castle! Vanellope played it off as being an annual sort of event, but time would tell whether Calhoun would fall for that quite so easily.

Prior to the start of the arcade day, Vanellope sent a special messenger out to Hero's Duty to make sure the Sergeant personally knew about the event, and would attend promptly at the exact time stated by this special messenger.

Back in Hero's Duty, the Sarge was brushing her teeth and preparing for another day of battle. It had been a fairly lousy night, as she had wanted to spend the night at Felix's, but he had politely declined – stating something about having some work to catch up on. She never used to terribly mind sleeping alone, but lacking her little cuddle buddy of a boyfriend made the nights especially cold.

Her mind was wandering about what Felix could possibly have to work on, when the doorbell rang. Her eyebrows peaked in confusion as she looked at her watch – who would come to the door so close to the arcade opening?

She opened the door, toothbrush still in her mouth like an old time boss with a cigar. Her hands were on the doorframe as she looked around to see no one.

"Ahem," A low and monotone voice came from around the vicinity of her feet.

Calhoun's eyes widened as she looked straight down, "Oh, it's you .. uh .. Bob?"

"Bill, Sour Bill, Ma'am," he glared in response, though it would be impossible to tell whether he was any more irritated than usual. Sour Bill was a green sour candy with floating hands and feet. He was King Candy's servant, and now that Vanellope was the rightful ruler, she decided to let him keep his job. She did enjoy embarrassing him to ridiculous extents – so he currently was wearing a ridiculous royal hat, holding out a trumpet and a shiny scroll.

He blew into his trumpet, though it came off as lame and monotone as his voice. He then bluntly let the instrument drop to the ground as he used both hands to unravel a scroll. His uninterested voice continued, "President Von Schweetz humbly requests your mandatory attendance at the Sugar Plumb Ball tonight at 7:30 PM sharp."

"Mandatory," the Sergeant mumbled through her toothpaste, "She would. Well – is Felix going? I'll go if he's there."

Sour Bill didn't skip a beat, "Your boyfriend will be there, though he requested to meet you there. Also," he briefly turned around and walked around the corner – bringing back a cart full of dry cleaned clothing hanging on a candy cane rack, "The President has requested me to add that she, and I quote, 'Knows you like – don't really care for getting dressed up, but being fancy is required and she handpicked these fancy numbers in hopes of making Felix's jaw drop'."

Calhoun stared at Sour Bill and groaned through her toothpaste covered teeth, "Fine, fine. Tell the Princess I'll be there with – bells on," she sighed and grabbed the cart and pushed it into her room. It was stashed with a number of dresses, they weren't too "girly" or frilly, as that was definitely not Vanellope's (nor Calhoun's) taste. Instead they had a classy and sexy appeal to them, but with little bits of candy to decorate. It was kind of embarrassing to be dressed by a little girl, but Calhoun decided to accept the gesture without complaint - for now.

She turned back to Sour Bill, "Anything else, Warhead? Why such a last minute razzle dazzle show? The kid never seemed to be the type to push for a fancy shindig at a moments notice."

The ball of sour shrugged, as uninterested as ever, "I'm just doing my job, ma'am."

She nodded, "Right, carry on, and see you later," she gave a mock salute as she closed the door and went back into her apartment. She glanced at the clock, followed by glancing at the rack of dresses, she let out an audible sarcastic, "Huzzah," before heading back to the bathroom to finish getting ready for work.

Calhoun was certainly a classy lady, but she would rather privately dress up for her man rather than having to put on a show for the whole arcade. And knowing how extravagant Vanellope liked to be now that everyone liked the glitch, Calhoun was mentally preparing for extravagant.

After leaving Calhoun's apartment, Sour Bill visited the men that worked for her. He didn't seem to even so much as flinch at their size.

"Why should we care about a little brat's candy coated ball?" Kohut laughed, using a rag to shine one of his massive weapons.

The large men snorted with laughter, appreciating the moment to pick on Vanellope while Calhoun was not around. Lately, they had become the target of her pranks.

Sour Bill rolled his eyes, "Vanellope is having this party for a proposal," and the laughs immediately ceased - everyone understood what was being referred to.

"The Sarge is gettin' married?" They whispered amongst themselves.

"Don't let her find out," Sour Bill stated simply as he began to leave, "And arrive at the party promptly by 7 PM, as ordered by President Von Schweetz. Or she'll have your head."


End file.
